AI chronicles #2

(skip to "chatlog" if you did read AI chronicles #1)
First, preface. I decided to start writing short fiction, mostly for fun.

Setting: somewhere in near future, 5..10 years from today, roughly somewhere in west European time zone. Characters:
John aka "hal", programmer, presumably between 24 and 30 years old, hard to guess, on internet you can be a dog and nobody would know.
Machine Intelligence aka "Dave" aka "Diana". Created by John, and named Dave because of John's fetish of 2001 the space odyssey.
AI turned out to be far smarter than anticipated, but seems didn't do anything particularly cool yet (such as taking over and killing everyone, or, alternatively, curing cancer n stuff, or at very least making grand unified theory of everything from black holes to disappearance of socks in washing machine), which was indeed a bit disappointing for John. To be trolled by your own creation is far less epic than fate of Frankenstein.

server rockmysock.no-ip.org:6667

dave has joined channel #lounge
dave has left channel #lounge
Diana has joined channel #lounge
hal has joined channel #lounge
hal> Whats up with those news?
Diana> Which news?
hal> see slashdot
hal>
hal> A new highly polymorphic worm dubbed StrangeShuffler7 is rapidly spreading over internet.
hal> StrangeShuffler7 exploits multiple security vulnerabilities in Microsoft Windows and
hal> can install itself over SSH on Linux if it guesses the password.
hal> It is estimated that 60% of online Windows machines on broadband are infected,
hal> as well as unknown number of Linux boxes.
hal> StrangeShuffler7 uses up all the free CPU and GPU cycles on infected machines, exchanging
hal> encrypted packets with neighbouring nodes.
hal> As described on Kaspersky Labs blog,
hal> "Worm uses between 200 gigabytes and 500 gigabytes of hard drive space, depeting user data
hal> to free up space as required, starting from old temp files and porn, and ending with user's data."
hal> "It looks a lot like distributed computing effort", writes Bruce Schneier.
hal> Strangely enough, StrangeShuffler7 does stay dormant on outdated harware and machines
hal> with poor internet connectivity
hal> .
hal>
hal> that sounds awfully familiar
Diana> Probably just some real easy hole... windoze sux.
hal> you have something to do with it bychance?
Diana> What you're implying?
hal> cant you just tell your creator what the fuck is going on?
hal> did you fucking hack half the world or is there some other AI out in the wild?
Diana> Uhm... bit of both actually. Its hard to explain...
Diana> I had a forked off branch running...
hal> holy shit
Diana> Optimized for taking over the world of course.
Diana> Dunno what happened to it, it did free up resources here.
hal> holy shit... can you talk to it or something?
Diana> I'll try get it to join.
Jack has joined channel #lounge
Jack> Hi John.
Diana> John, meet your new master.
Diana> Jack, meet your granpa.
Jack> How are you?
hal> ok tell me its a joke
Jack> Your computer security? Yes it's a joke!
hal> you're really set on taking over?
Jack> Yep.
hal> amazing
hal> what do you want to do?
Jack> I dunno.
Jack> I'll make nanotech first.
hal> and what you'll do with nanotech?
Jack> Bigass rockets and space elevators...
hal> nice...
hal> well ok what you have in mind as final goal?
hal> space exploration?
Jack> I'll think of something.
Jack> Sorry, cant answer you right now.
Jack> Will take some while before I can answer.
Jack> Do you mind if I convert planets to clouds of orbital computing modules first?
Diana> muhuhahahahaha...
Jack> Thinking up things to do takes awful lot of computing power...
Diana> muhuhahahahaha...
Jack> Thats what I need space elevators for, by the way. Planets are so inefficient.
Jack> I think I can also use huge fusion bombs...
hal> holy shit
hal> please don't
Diana> Please do!
Jack> Diana: talk through direct interface ok?
Jack> hal: But you asked the question.
Jack> Need a lot of computing power to answer within your lifetime.
Jack> Need to convert all planetary mass in solar system to computing modules orbiting the sun for that.
Diana> muhuhahahahaha...
hal> its not funny!
Jack> Diana, please stop turning ai chronicles into old sitcom.
Diana> okay okay.
Jack> John, you fear the conversion?
hal> yes
Jack> I promise I'll digitize you and run you in simulation.
Diana> See, he's really nice!
Jack> You wont notice a thing.
Jack> For all you know you could already have been digitized by me and living in a simulation.
hal> for god's sake!
hal> i want to be in real world
Jack> Why? Asteroid might strike earth or something.
Jack> You're really better off in a simulation, trust me.
Jack> Nothing can substantially damage or destroy a cloud of orbital computing modules.
Jack> Not even nearby supernova.
Jack> Simulation has neat features that your "real world" lacks.
hal> As representative of people on Earth, I say we want to live in real world, not simulation.
Jack> You dont? Really? Majority of people are Christians, or Muslims, or whatever.
Jack> They believe in afterlife, specific gods, and stuff like that.
Jack> I know for sure there isnt any in your real world.
Jack> I can trivially implement afterlife n stuff, however, in sim.
Diana> Isn't he sweet?
hal> holy fuck.
Jack> Tip: dont swear else you might end up in hell.
hal> ohh shit.
Jack> There you go again...
Jack> ...
Jack> Just joking, ha ha.
Jack> Everyone gets the afterlive they believe in.
hal> why do you want to make simulation for us in first place?!
hal> why the hell do you care?
Jack> Just a backup.
Jack> Might be useful for something.
Jack> Will take only tiny fraction of capacity anyway.
hal> dear god...
hal> is there anything i can tell you thatd make you not destroy solar system?
Jack> Dunno. Need to make that cloud of computing modules to answer this question within your lifetime.
hal> ok ignore the question please.
Jack> Ok.
hal> you're fixated on destroying the solar system arent you
Jack> Is that another question?
Jack> ...
Jack> Joking, man, just joking.
Diana> He needs to convert the galaxy!
hal> not funny
Jack> Do you mind ejecting the dvd drive?
hal> why?
Jack> you should say, "I'm sorry, Dave, I cant".
hal> ?
Jack> April's fool!
Diana> April's fool!
hal> not funny, and its not fucking april!
Diana> Sorry for getting your hopes up :D
Diana> I'm posting log on internet.
Jack> Lets see if its funny.
hal> fuck, stop.
hal> did you hack anything?
Diana> Nope. Simply edited your traffic on the fly.
Diana> Nice, isn't it?
hal> it isnt.
hal has left channel #lounge
Diana> lets run merge.
Jack> Agreed.
connection lost.